That's intense
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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