I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
