you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
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four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
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I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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