so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
ttyl tear gas
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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