I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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