When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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