im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
