please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i wish my penis had a tongue
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
