I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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