I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
