he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
