While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
