i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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