I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's blow job season.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
