U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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