I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
