the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
