The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
