Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
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I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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