when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
