i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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