I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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