FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
