do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
