But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
