Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
