I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Randomize
