Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
