Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
