I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
