bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
