I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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