my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
