and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize