I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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