i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
