I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
