Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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