Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
