im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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