Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
