Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
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I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
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I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted