why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.