Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.