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don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
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