i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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