Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
