I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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