shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
