Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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