life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
