I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
