You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
