Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
