Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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