I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I looked at my own cervix.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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