I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
