Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
