Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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