oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
