Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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