Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
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There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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