I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
