It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
