Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
