I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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